Artists collection

"This reminds me of my time in Whitechapel and the nature of belief.I like Warhol's 'Last Supper' series, one of my favourite periods of his. The cartoony Jesus he did was based on cheap religious ephemera he bought from a street stall in New York. This to was painted from a touristic lenticular postcard my friend had brought back from Madrid as a present. I had a Catholic upbringing so when I left home officially to move to London this might have been the residue of my upbringing coming through. Me questioning the beliefs I had been brought up on with an image of a kitsch 'Our Lady'.

I had some of the religious postcards one of which this painting was based on, in the studio in Whitechapel and as it was close to hand one day I thought I would paint it. It had a peaceful and reassuring quality.

My Dad went to church every Sunday. I went to a Christian Brothers secondary school in Birkenhead. I was in London on my own and I suppose I had not yet fully individuated or disengaged from my beginnings.

This period was hard for me as I was not sure I was doing the right thing trying to be an artist.

The desperation that comes from the combination of lack of funds, youth and anger at your lowly position in society as an outsider gives you focus. It has provided subject matter for literature; 'Hunger' by the Norwegian Knut Hamsun. 'Post Office' Bukowski and 'Ask the Dust' by John Fante. Not to mention the state being romanticized in 'Scenes of Bohemian Life' by Henri Murger that became the basis for Puccini's 'La Boheme'. According to Murger 'Bohemia' was a stage in artistic life. My time in Whitechapel was my Bohemian garret stage.

It is easy to look back on this period romantically because I am not living it any more. When you're a struggling young artist the most valuable thing you need - freedom - is the hardest thing to maintain. I remember having a phrase going through my head during this time 'running on empty'. As a young artist I often felt like I was in one of two biblical states: 'forsaken' or 'saved'. Gorecki pointed out "Art and faith follow similar paths". I liked this idea. An artist must come to the canvas like a priest to the altar he said but then I wondered... at least priests and monks get looked after! Ie. They get food and lodging from their organisation and they don’t have to worry where the next funds are coming from.

In Whitechapel, I was often financially desperate and constantly questioned what I was doing. Trying to make a go of it as an artist sometimes felt stupid and self indulgent. Maybe I was racked with Catholic guilt too. Was I being selfish? But what else could I do? Much soul searching went on in them days. It does go on when you choose Art as a living as a young man and you are not from a particularly wealthy background and sometimes the wolf's at the door.

"The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” - Kierkegaard

I recently found a prayer I wrote for myself on a typewriter dated 1991:

"Dear God,

Never let me lose sight of hope,
Help me to see further than my present condition.
Give me the strength to take blows and not fail in my vision.
Lord help me to believe in myself."


- Christian Furr